'My son James died suddenly at 21 months– now I’m climbing Kilimanjaro for him'

A Surrey mum whose 21-month-old son died suddenly is preparing to climb Africa’s highest mountain five years later – with every step dedicated to him.

Harley Cunningham, 42, of Horsell will travel to Tanzania on September 17 to begin a 10-day, 66-kilometre trek up Mount Kilimanjaro, reaching 5,895 metres above sea level.

She has already raised more than £10,500 for Cruse Bereavement Support, the charity which helped her through the aftermath of the death of her son James.

James died from bronchopneumonia after becoming unwell with what Harley and her husband Pete believed was a cold.

He had been born six weeks prematurely, weighing just 3.5lb, and had previously been treated in hospital with a viral-related wheeze.

But when both James and his twin brother Edward developed cold symptoms, there was little to suggest how seriously ill James had become.

Harley said: “I thought my instinct was good. We gave him Calpol and his brother Edward had a cold as well, but obviously it was a lot worse than we thought it was.

“We found him at 4am in the morning and he’d died. It was a horrible few years for us.”

Harley said one of the hardest emotions she experienced afterwards was guilt.

“The guilt I had as a mother when James died – your one role as a mother is to keep your children alive, and if you can’t do that you’re a failure. That plays around your head the whole time.”

Cruse provided Harley with six free counselling sessions, giving her somewhere to talk openly about her grief at a time when she felt increasingly isolated.

She said: “In the moment, the first two years, I couldn’t listen possibly because grief is all-consuming, and even though you’re talking to people, you’re still alone. It’s so isolating.

“Actually, you stop talking to people about it after a while because you don’t want to bring their mood down, even your closest friends.

“It’s tough because inside you’re broken.”

A few years after James’s death, Harley decided she wanted to help other people experiencing bereavement and trained as a volunteer for Cruse.

She now speaks to bereaved people every week and has recently become a trustee of the charity.

“I can really empathise with that person and support them,” she said. “In a way, as the years have gone on, I feel like I’ve got myself back, but with a bit more compassion.

“It’s made me slow down and really, really listen.”

Harley wanted to mark five years since James’s death by taking on something that would push her physically and mentally.

“I really wanted to have a challenge that was tough,” she said.

“I wanted to do something outside my comfort zone, and it’s something you can’t do without training physically and mentally. It’s helped my mental health.

“I wanted to do something that raised money, was super out of my comfort zone, and I’ve raised more than £10,000 so far.”

Her husband Pete, seven-year-old Edward, James’s twin, and three-year-old John will remain at home while Harley takes on Kilimanjaro.

One of Harley’s biggest concerns is how her body will react to the altitude.

As part of her preparation, she has trained at the Altitude Centre in Spitalfields, London, where oxygen levels can be reduced to simulate conditions at around 5,000 metres.

But Harley already knows who she will be thinking about if she reaches the 5,895-metre summit.

“When I reach the top, I’ll probably cry and have James in my heart and my head, and think about my babies – James and the two I have on earth.

“And my husband, and a huge thanks to all the people who have donated. They’re all in my heart.”

For Harley, the climb is ultimately about showing other bereaved parents that profound grief does not mean life can never have purpose again.

“This climb is for James. Every step I take up that mountain will be for him.

“If our story helps even one parent feel less alone, or enables Cruse to support another family through heartbreak, it will all be worthwhile.”

Harley hopes her challenge will offer some hope to other parents in similar situations.

She said: “Anyone who’s a bereaved parent, losing a child changes your life forever. It doesn’t mean that your life is over.

“Since I lost my son five years ago, I didn’t know what I’d be doing today and I thought that life was over.

“And I’m climbing Kilimanjaro, I’ve become a bereavement volunteer and a trustee, and I’ve raised £10,000 when my target was £3,000.

“I want other bereaved parents to know there is hope. You can still find purpose, achievement and joy while keeping your child’s memory at the centre of everything you do.”